Monday, June 25, 2012

So, how's it going?

Actually, pretty darn well.

Thursday was a bit of an iffy day.  I had a little wobbly moment.  Actually, I had a rather large wobbly moment.  The website I am creating wasn't behaving itself as it should when published (and still wouldn't after 4 hours of working on the issue), Taisia was in a need something but really don't know what that something is mood (looking back it was probably just time with mama she needed but I was so blinkered with annoyance and work focused I missed that nugget of wisdom), everything I touched seemed to break, and I couldn't find numerous things I was in need of.

Cue massive frustration, an abundance of anger, and an explosive ARGH!!

I shouted (aimed at myself, but not proud of losing it in front of the children).
I screamed.
I threw something across the room.
And just generally worked myself up in such a state I needed to put myself in time out.

So I did.

I took myself upstairs, got under the duvet, and sat there.

Sulking.

Then I gave myself a good 'talking to' in my head.

I have to admit that I can't do it all.

I have to accept that to have such high expectations of myself is unrealistic and all I will do is run myself into the ground and make myself ill.

I can't possibly expect to home-educate, be the perfect (in my head) mama of 5 children, be a wonderful wife, keep the house clean and tidy, run a home-ed group, be contact person for another group, support everyone who emails or phones for advice, stay on top of the general day to day household stuff - laundry, budgeting, shopping, bill paying, etc, - AND start a business with all that entails, including website building and networking.

It's too much.

I admit it.

Finally.

After half an hour of deep breathing, thought processing, and soul searching, I felt amazing.

I came downstairs, apologised to the children for my outburst, explained that mama was struggling, and we sat and had a chat.   We had a good natter about how I viewed the situation, and the teens asked what they could do to take the pressure off me whilst the business is in the very early stages.  We decided that whilst there was a website in need of creating, one of them could take over a task or two - say, put a wash load of laundry in the machine and hang it out to dry for example, or cook dinner.  It was decided that we would have a couple of hours of together time, where I could help with their projects if they wanted me to, source materials with them, read together, etc, then when Taisia had her lunch time nap (she seems to have a nap around 1pm-ish 3 days out of 5), I could do a bit of business building.

I really feel as if the pressure is off now.  I had too high an expectation of myself and felt I needed to push myself all hours to get things done asap.  All that achieved was tiredness and exasperation.

Things are back on track now I've admitted I need help.  I'm not proud of the fact I've had to 'lean' on my eldest children for that help, but they are old enough and mature enough to understand.  They also understand that without more money coming in, all of our lives will have to change, so they can understand the need for the business building and are eager to assist.  I've never been very good at asking for help, but hopefully a lesson has been learnt now, nothing bad will happen if I take stock of what thoughts are in my head and admit to feeling overwhelmed. I don't want to feel so out of control again.

Friday just came and went without issue really.  We all plodded along nicely doing our own little thing.  Tiegan and Callum were in a documentary fest mood, and watched many of the nature documentaries that I had recorded for them.  These opened up a whole host of discussions and further info searching, including looking at the globe and maps for geographical locations.  The teens did various things throughout the day, a bit of maths study, guitar playing, XBox gaming, story writing, reading - then youth club in the evening where a great time was had.

The weekend was a good one, containing lots of family fun and laughter.

On Saturday, in between rain showers we had a quick trip out.

We let the sand run through our fingers...



We strolled along at our own pace...



We squealed at the thought of someone chasing us...


We searched for sea-shells...


And admired the view...


When we got home, we made sure everyone knew we were happy!





and we shared a precious, oh so precious, cuddly moment.



On Sunday the weather was looking a lot brighter.  Lee (husband) went out for a photography session in the morning, just around and about our village...






He came home with these fun snail photographs to share with the children, they loved them :)




Then we went to Dartmoor for an afternoon of exploration.

We sat like fairies on tree-stumps...


And took time out to enjoy the views...



We decided fairies would dance here...


And someone decided that she would like to drive the car...


or run...


We strolled down winding lanes seemingly going nowhere...


and ran some more...


we rested...



and lost ourselves in the beauty...



Lee took more photos, including some of puddle splashing and log climbing.  I shall share those with you later.

**Just going off-topic completely**

I've been asked to help a lovely lady raise money for her engagement party outfit by advertising her Ebay listings on this 'ere blog.  If you take a looksie at the links provided you will find very cute 'blue nose' cuddlies.

Limited Edition Blue Nose Friends

Blue Nose Friends

These listings are completely unrelated to me here, so please direct any questions towards the seller on Ebay.
Thank you muchly :)

4 comments:

  1. Yes yes yes yes yes. After 15 years of home edding/childcare and with 4 children under 12 I wrote my first novel because I would have gone nuts if I hadn't and also because advances were pretty good back then, & I was in sight of getting one. Money/self reliance/self worth are all huge issues with long term home edders, and it's what no one really talks about much. Don't worry about your kids shouldering burdens, they wouldn't offer if they didn't want to. Good luck, and it will be ok. I never got the advance, well, not yet x

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  2. Have you considered dropping one of your commitments or seriously reducing your responsibility for them? You have an awful lot on your plate. I think you may have too many plates spinning up there.

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  3. Maybe I should take a leaf out of your book and realise I can't be super-everything lol :)

    Lovely pictures of the countryside :)

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  4. awww, wow thnaks for that awesome visual share ... many of those images would sit rather happily in the childrens book im working on ... im illustrating it with pastels-from-photos ... and its all about LOVE xxxxxx

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